Saturday, July 31, 2010
Yes...failure,guess everyone has been through many failure's along their life and hav their lowest point in their life=( Today,i juz had a small taste of wads like to be crushed and feeling like u r e lowest lifeform ever in this world...morning was raining so heavily rather moody e whole day juz like how i felt,had exam on fri and it didnt turn out well...i was 1 of e few border line case and although how much my instructor tell us to enjoy our wkend,i juz cant accept e fact and hav e mentality that i will somehow fail and hav to juz resit e paper,well,f it then juz resit e most another 2nd try...but all those hassle and trouble for so many ppl,till now then i realise how painful it can be. Im a type of person who likes to ponder alot unless i can get a assurance that e thing is a success! Much of a pessimistic person im, i juz duno y im borned this way,no matter how ppl encourage me or try cheering me up. Most often then not i will juz cover under my blanket and thing or 'analyze' e problem why it happen e way i hav not expected or desired...it might take days for me to think it through or until someone enlighten me then i will hav a peace of mind. Many a times, i have e feeling when my heart is like falling through a bottomless pit,a never ending bottom that kind of feeling...how i wish that someone will appear and save me and show me e light path...but sometimes it still depends on e individual on whether u r willing to accept the fact or not,juz like 1 of my friend.
We have gave him advice and even encourage him not to think too much abt e problem and juz let natural takes it course but he still felt sad,guess wadever i say i also got a chance to taste my own medicine,its not as easy as it seems. Just by saying forgetting it,everything wil be fine is juz only a cover up or comforting oneself,after awhile e problem will juz come back. So now that i hav taste a slight problem in my life, to some it might not be a big deal,but for me it has another meaning behind it or it meant alot to me,i will juz hav to accept and prepare for e worst and make e neccessary improvement to prevent such mistakes from recurring. Does all successful ppl become that successful aft being through all these hardship,torture,failures??? Maybe...
I juz hope that this mon when e results are release i would escape from 'hell' and be save,and i hav set myself a goal too, that if i wan to succeed in anything, i muz wrk hard for it and be more discipline...often read or listen how everyone say that ur life depends on u urself and no one. NO ONE can ever change how u wan ur life to be,its only u thats in control. How a person can be successful is also depend on them and how they pick themselves up from failure. Life is cruel...sometimes i really wish that i was never born, but since GOD has given me the chance to live,i should cherish it and make e best out of it w/o regrets. I dont wan aft many yrs when im lying on my death bed regretting or thinking that i hav not achieve anything in life. Instead,i wan to leave this world in a peaceful way,no sorrows or remorse...but a sense of achievement...
This yr has been a tough 1 for me,wit many ups and downs along e way,soon it will be yet another yr. Hopefully as i ages, i will become smarter and be a better person who is able to look at things in a more positive way and able to achieve sth in life:)
Yet another slpness nite..........................................
